End of the Month Update: February

It's that time again. February has really flown by, as it usually does. I like February, generally. I like it even better when it starts on a Sunday. Having a calendar which is exactly four weeks long appeals to my sense of order. I'll have to remember to call back to this post in 2015.

Anyway, time for the update. I'm still hovering around 300 lbs, but I think I'm gaining muscle, so I'm alright with that for now. My shirts are all too big in the neck and chest. I won't complain about that yet, but it is slightly irritating. I guess I'll just have to get some clients so I can afford to update my wardrobe.

My house has fallen back, somewhat, into a state of chaos. It's difficult to keep it clean and tidy with four people living here, but that's more an excuse than anything else. The real problem is me. I need to buckle down and plow through the things which I've been avoiding. We'll leave that one for now.

On to my skills. I have been doing a good amount of research (a cop out), and just last night I went out by myself to work on my communication skills. I had intended to speak to strangers, hold their attention, and potentially flirt. For those of you paying attention, you may have noticed a flaw in my clever plan. There is absolutely nothing to do in London on a Sunday night. This city is dead. I ended up walking around down town in my suit and having a quick pint in one or another of the English style pubs. It was fun, but relatively unhelpful. I did get some writing done, and that should help with the future of my next goal.

The blog has been kept up to date I'm even starting to get a few steady readers (yaay). If this continues, I may even  get a few comments sooner or later! (hint hint.) Now that I have a steady posting schedule, it's time to work on content quality. To be completely honest, my last four have been more or less slapped together. I'm going to try to do better than that and leave ample time for editing and completeness.

My business plans are progressing on schedule. I think it's time to look into business cards, and possibly a new suit. We'll see what next month brings.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

P.S. If anyone out there has, like, a million dollars that they're not using, you could just toss that my way. I'd be okay with that. Also, I'd be willing to offer that person free weekly sessions for life. Just saying.

L.A.R.P.

Warning: This post is about LARP. If you aren’t interested in gaming, theatre, or fantasy, feel free to pass this one by, though if that is the case, I think you ought to lighten up. =)

LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing, and is distinguished from tabletop roleplaying, such as Dungeons and Dragons. With tabletop, you are sitting around a table talking about what your characters are doing, whereas with Larp, you actually do what your character would be doing. You dress up in costume, you put on a character, and you act. Think of it like improvisational theatre, except generally the audience consists of the players themselves.

So, why do it if there’s no one watching? Because some of us like to pretend. Some of us like to throw ourselves into a character and be James Bond, or King Arthur, or a Homeless Drifter for the night, and then return safely to our real lives once we’re finished.

There are many systems in place for adding rules for combat in which no one is actually hurt, and for affecting the world around you without having to inconvenience anyone who is not part of the game. The system with which I am most familiar is Vampire: The Masquerade, which as you can probably guess from the title, is about vampires.

This is one game in what makes up the “World of Darkness” (now known as the old world or “classic” world of darkness, as they’ve released a newer system). The world of darkness is interesting in that, in theory, all of the different games (Vampire: The Masquerade, Werewolf: The Apocalypse, Mage: The Ascension, etc.) can work together to create this “world of darkness”, inhabited by mages, werewolves, mummies, wraithes, vampires, and even regular old human beings, some of whom have taken it upon themselves to hunt the things that go bump in the night.

In reality, the different systems don’t fit together as nicely as one would think (a flaw which you find in most systems which are released in a modular fashion), and so it’s usually better to stick to one type of critter. In case of the Masquerade that’s vampires.

Unfortunately, the majority of players who seem to be drawn to this particular game are those self involved, power hungry malcontents who are not the type of people you would want for a social game.These are people with the mentality of “My character could beat up your character” or “My character thinks she’s too good to talk to you”. Filling a room with such people, who are only really there to groom their egos, does not make for a very interesting game, as interactions end up limited to only those between preexisting, out of game cliques.There is an aspect of these games which is meant to be co-operative. It is difficult to foster that specific brand of camaraderie in a group dominated by these personality types. Because of this pattern, over the years I’ve encountered disappointment after disappointment from a system which, in general, would be fun to play if not for the unfortunate leanings of the typical player. The last time a game I was a part of imploded due to player drama, I said "Never again!". I decided I was done with it. Then, a few months later, the following conversation took place.

“So ***** is running an old world game” says my friend.
“Oh yeah?” I said with a lack of real interest or enthusiasm.
“Yeah, it’s a troupe game”
“Oh?” I’d perked up at this point, for reasons I won’t explain here.
“Yeah, and it’s invitation only”

This idea caught my attention. I am generally someone who promotes the concept of inclusivity, but in the instance of these games, it was only exacerbating the problem. By allowing anyone to play, you were opening the doors to Drama. By making the game invitation only, it allows the Storytellers (the people who direct the overall plot of the game and settle character or player disputes) to shape their character base, and hopefully cull any of the painful drama which so often accompanies this type of game.

I met with *****, and he explained all the safeguards which he’s put in place against drama and power gaming, and I agreed to join with the hope I would finally get the LARP experience I’m looking for. I’ve yet to attend a game, but I’ve decided to give it three months (one session a month), and see how it goes. If I find the same old drama, so be it, I’ll just walk away.

Either way I’ll probably revisit this topic in another post, so in the meantime wish me luck.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

Hearts and Flowers

Saint Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and orders for chocolates and flowers (usually roses) will be higher on that day than on any other during the year except one (Mother’s Day). Very little is known about the real St. Valentine. In fact there were more than one Saints who carried that name, but the one who died on February the 14th had something to do with “courtly love”.

I didn’t really do my research on this guy, this is just what I’ve picked up in passing and from Catholic friends.

Saint Valentine’s Day is no longer recognized by the Roman Catholic Church, but try telling that to the rest of the world! The corporate machine which drives the sales of cards, flowers, chocolates, clovers and blue moons, would be very put out if they were suddenly without this scapegoat.

Now someone out there (probably a woman) is going to tell me that I don’t understand because I’m a man, and men don’t care about such things (insinuating that we should). I have this rebuttal.

I’ve bought flowers for every woman with whom I’ve had a long term relationship, and they’ve given me that satisfying girly blush and giggle, but if there’s been a note along with the flowers, a note telling them that I love and cherish them, that they brighten my day, that they make me want to make poetry and sing and sweep them off their feet, that’s when I see real emotion.

It’s not the flowers or the chocolates that makes the difference. It’s the thought. The thought really does count as much as the follow through. They are equal participants. Now, what I see happening with things like anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentines day, is that they remove thought from the equation. These dates tell a body “By golly! You need to go get your sweetheart flowers to show that you care!” and because you do care, and you don’t want your sweetheart to be upset, you go and buy the flowers, but there was no thoughtfulness, only follow through.

I’m not saying that having a day or three on the calendar to remind you to pay attention to your significant other is a bad thing, what I’m saying is Don’t Wait!

Today is February the 11th, and for me and my pet, this is Hearts and Flowers day. We didn’t choose a special day to substitute for Valentine’s, we just chose a random day off because there was a sappy movie coming out. We’re taking the day to spend together, the rest of the world be damned. We’re going to do all that sappy romantic stuff that people usually reserve for Valentine’s. Why wait until a special occasion when you can make one, and how is it special if everyone is doing the same thing?

Here’s a tip. Some random day when you’re at work and you think of your sweetie and it makes you smile, make a point of stopping on the way home and buying flowers, or better yet, a box of their favourite tea, or a book in a series they love. Don’t wait for a birthday, a graduation, Valentine’s day, or Christmas to show the people that matter to you that you love them. Show that you care when you feel it, when you are inspired. Make a habit of it, and that inspiration will come so much more easily the next time, and you’ll both be happier!

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

Lifestyle Domination

For those of you who are offended by, or simply can’t handle alternative sexuality, be aware that this post deals with the D/s lifestyle. You have been warned.

As a lifestyle Dom, I live the life 24/7 instead of only for kicks in the bedroom. I have a live in submissive who serves me. This is what we both want, and I’m sure that if anyone were to tell her that I was taking advantage of her she would scoff at them. Do we keep things Safe, Sane and Consensual? The answer to that question is not exactly. Though SSC is the standard by which the kink community is run, there is something to be said for Consensual Nonconsent.

As hard as it may be to believe this, some people want to be “taken advantage of”. They want to do things which give them no pleasure, or even endure hardships and suffering for the sake of another person. Others know that they need help to achieve their full potential. These others choose to serve a Master who can help guide them in the direction they want to go, but that sort of guidance necessitates a penalty for failure. In this case that means punishment. Either way, it’s not a game or just a fun time to these people, but a way of life.

In a way, Consensual Nonconsent is still SSC, as the sub always has a way out. My “Kitten”, my “Pet”, enjoys being owned. She doesn’t consider herself her own person, but my property. To that end, she endures things which give her no pleasure and even things which scare her simply because I told her to do it. If what I was doing was hurting her instead of helping, she would let me know when we discussed her training, and if I didn’t have her best interests at heart, she would leave.

It’s not easy to be a lifestyle Dom. When someone gives themselves to you to serve, that puts the responsibility of nurturing them directly into your hands. There’s a risk of being too soft, of letting them get away with something for which they ought to be punished or otherwise corrected. Believe it or not, that is worse than the alternative of being too harsh. Apologizing for being too strict is humble and magnanimous, but if you’re too soft on a regular basis, the sub won’t be able to get what they need, which in this case is discipline.

Being a lifestyle Dom is in many ways like being a parent. You take responsibility for another human being. You mould and shape them into something stronger than they were. You discipline them when they have done something wrong, and above all, you love them. Their life becomes more important than your own, and doing what’s best for them ought to be at the centre of your universe. When a sub is on their knees, saying “All this I do for you, my Master”, those words ought to be an echo of what the Dom really holds in their heart. “All this I do for you, my pet”.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

End of the Month Update: January

So it’s the last Monday of the month, and I’ve decided that this will mean an update with my progress on my New Years Resolutions.

First on the subject of my weight and fitness, I started off well, having joined Fitocracy (more on this later), and had been on the right track until my knee suddenly swelled up to twice its size. I honestly have no idea what I did, but after several days of caring for it (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation), and careful use of anti inflammatories, I’m ready to continue my workouts. I’d also started counting my calories a few months back, which seemed to be working well when I was doing it. I took the month of December off, and that turned into January as well, but I intend to return to this method as of February first. As of this date, I’m 305 lbs, down from 328 when I started, and I’m going to keep a monthly log.

Second, my house is in order, at least for the most part. I’m actually happy with most of it. I have a bedroom office which is almost usable, for lack of a chair. My kitchen, dining room, and living room are serviceably comfortable. My basement has finally become a place to entertain. The only thing marring my home now is a stack of boxes in one corner of the basement, and I fully intend to have those taken care of before February first.

Third, as to my skills, I realize that this is a difficult one to track, but I’m happy to say that at least one very important skill has had a lot of work. My confidence in my abilities has grown, and I’ll be putting some of them to the test tonight to gauge what else needs to be worked on next.

Fourth, my blog has been updated weekly, on Mondays, and I’m working on a buffer so that I can have a post ready to go on Sunday evening, but that might take a bit of time.

Fifth, my business. I know this is tied in closely with my third resolution, and also won’t be resolved until the end of the year, but I have made progress. Next month I may have something more to say about this one.

Now, a nod to the first post of the month. I realize that I didn’t comment after the fact, but I did manage to get everything accomplished. The desk is moved and now serves as an entertainment centre in the basement. The room is tidy, and I’ve been blogging regularly.

All in all, things are looking good, and I’m feeling good about them. I hope that you all have had as much success with your resolutions, but even if you’re off to a rocky start, please don’t give up! Self improvement is possible, it just takes hard work!

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

Christianity and Judgement

Too many Christians do the thing which Christians are forbidden from doing. Too many of us judge others. In the world we live in, sometimes judging others is unavoidable. Some of us (those in authority) have a responsibility to judge, and judge fairly, the actions of those under their influence. Parents and teachers judge the actions of children. Employers judge the actions of their workers, and Judges must judge the actions of defendants in trials, but the key here is that all of these people are judging the actions, not the person. As soon as you start judging a person, you lose your firm footing. We don’t know what goes on in a person’s head, and we can’t know everything which led to an action, so all we can judge is the action itself. Some loud Christians seem to have forgotten Matthew 7:1.

There seems to be no end of small minded Christians telling the world that it should be ashamed of itself.

I agree with them, but we ought to start with ourselves. Matthew 7:4-5 tells you that you shouldn’t be worrying about others until you have your own shit straight, and if that isn’t a good enough reason, then Matthew 7:6 goes on to the flip side of why you shouldn’t waste your time preaching to people who don’t want to hear it!

We Christians have a duty to be the light of the world. That doesn't mean we should go around setting dry  brush ablaze. We have a duty to be the salt of the earth, which is quite the opposite of salting the earth, something which loud Christians don’t seem to get. We are meant to preserve, to repair, to help. All that judging others gets you is fear, anger, and resentment. It’s not only counter productive, it’s stupid!

Love your brothers, no matter what! Love him even if he sins. Feel his pain as if it were your own. That’s the way to start guiding people, not by yelling at them about what you think they’ve done wrong today. Oh, and don’t bother trying to convince me that you love someone if you’re holding up a sign that says “God Hates...”


 God doesn't hate, God loves. Period.

Trying to love (in this case, feel compassion toward) everyone is a good thing to do, regardless of your personal religion or lack thereof. People who try to see the good in others are generally happier than people who focus on the bad. I like to say that it’s better to assume ignorance than malice. An earnest desire to think the best you can about everyone around you and their intentions will keep you from being bitter, and will probably improve your interactions with other people.

Of course if you find that the nicest thing you can think about a particular person is that they’re rather a fool, or unaware of the world around them, then you may want to have a conversation with them. Far from passing judgement or spouting vitriol, however, a conversation with someone for whom you care, about how they can better themselves is a loving endeavour.

I guess that’s the key. We aren’t going to change the world by shouting at it and holding up signs. We’re going to change the world by having quiet conversations with people who will listen. I hope someone out there is listening.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

Wants vs. Needs

It is not uncommon to hear the words “I need”. Many times I’ve been in the middle of a conversation, making a plan, or listing things I’d like to do, and someone comes out with some variation of the phrase “We want much, but we need very little.” The fact that people continually make this statement is, I feel, a problem. One which has plagued the English language for far too long. My reply to them at this point is usually something along the lines of “If you want me to cook you this omelette, then I’m going to need a damn frying pan.”

A want is a goal, a desire, or an objective to be reached, whereas a need is something which is required to complete a task, or reach an objective. I want to eat an omelette, so I need eggs. I want to have a new phone, so I need the money to buy it. I want to keep on living, so I need food, water, and oxygen. If I want to live comfortably, then I also need shelter from the elements, and maybe the occasional conversation with a close friend.

The whole idea of limiting the word need to our basic necessities of life is not an issue of grammar, but of poetry. Someone could say in a song “I need you like I need to breathe”, and they are making a poetic simile in which the beloved takes on the characteristics of a basic necessity. From there someone may say “I don’t just want you, I need you!”. This is the essence of the problem. Any time you add just or only to a sentence, you’re devaluing something, usually in comparison to something else. Think of the phrase “He’s only a lad”, or “It’s just a scratch”.

Wants have become devalued for the sake of needs, and it’s a misuse of the language. Wants supersede needs, not the other way around. In order to need something, you have to have a goal and requirements to be met along the way. Don’t let yourself think that necessities of life are any different. Life, in this case, is a want. You have to want to live in order to need food, water, and air. It is true that your body will go on wanting these things, even when your mind doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean you can’t decide to go without. People who want death can, and sometimes do, commit suicide, God rest their souls. Life is the absolute want. Without wanting that, you can’t need anything.

Let me put this another way. People have been trained to think that want and need are different degrees of the same thing. They have been taught that a need is primal, and a want is a luxury. I’m letting you know that these two words mean completely different things. A want is the prime thing, the goal, the big shiny treasure at the end. A need is only something which is required to reach the treasure, like finding the hidden switch, the key to the vault, or the magical mcguffin.

I want an omelette, so I need eggs.
I want a heart container, so I need to collect the pieces.
If I want to succeed at this whole blog thing, then I need to update regularly.

So far, so good.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.