Doubts

There’s nothing like a parent to shake your faith in what you’re trying to do with your life.

I recently told my mother and stepfather about what’s happening with me. I had thought it was the good version of that conversation. There was veiled hostility on my mother’s end while I fumbled the details out, and then I left. A few days later I got an email from her laden with misunderstandings, assumptions, and more hostility.

I expected this.

After I flubbed the initial conversation, I knew I could expect an email of this nature, and I was already planning a more well formed response, but that doesn’t change the fact that when I read her email it almost broke me.

The fact that when I told my father, his reaction was “Whatever makes you happy” didn’t help much. For one thing, I told him first, and for another, he’s always been more carefree. I was gratified that he wasn’t against, because he does have a political conservative bend, but he’s much more actually conservative, which should mean “Don’t bother them and they won’t bother you”.

What son doesn’t want the respect and acceptance of their parents? (actually, I know a couple...) Well, I want those things, and before telling either of them, I set that aside. After all, wanting the admiration of your parents is a childish motivation, and I’m finally trying to do something important with my life. I don’t expect I’ll amount to much, but I don’t think Alfred Kinsey knew what he’d accomplish when he set out.

No, I’m not comparing myself to Alfred Kinsey, I’m just giving an analogy.

There is the possibility that I will be able to start a change in this world. I intend to advocate against injustices which most people don’t even recognize. I intend to make the first steps toward family group equality. I know that a lot of people are going to hate me just because I exist. I just have to try to live in such a way to show those people that I’m doing nothing wrong, and if they act out against me, then they are.

I say act, not speak. Everyone is entitled to a well formed opinion, and I’m willing to discuss opinions with anyone who wants to, but if it comes to the point of bricks coming through my windows, I’m not going to be impressed.

There’s more to be said here for sure, I’m just working through my own mind here, and that’s enough for now.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.