The Hiatus and the Resolution

As it is Monday, and the last day of 2012, I thought an update was in order.

I would like to explain the December hiatus for anyone who may have been curious. I decided to take December to recoup and work on making my home livable, so it was planned, but unannounced. I didn't expect anyone to be put out by my disappearance. If anyone was checking for updates, I apologize to them for my silence on the matter. I shall endeavour to give warning the next time I plan a hiatus, but as you will soon read, that shouldn't be for a while.

It's been a fantastic time of year, to my very great surprise. Christmas was quiet, work has been busy, and in the time between, there was much productivity. I have my bedroom in order for the first time in my life. I have shelves full of books which I can see from my bed. I can't explain how at peace that makes me feel, and now that my bedroom is organized, the rest of the house will follow!

As for New Years, a late colleague of mine spoke against New Years resolutions. He said that if you know there's something wrong in your life you shouldn't wait for a specific time of year to set it right, and I am inclined to agree with him, but I don't feel this negates the tradition of a New Years resolution.

New Years Eve gives us an opportunity to think about the past year. It's a marker, a milestone, a way post if you like. It gives us a reason to look back and discover things which we haven't accomplished, the places we've fallen, and the things we've let slide because this or that has gotten in the way. I agree that we ought to begin correcting things in our lives as soon as we notice something wrong with them, and New Years lends us an opportunity to pause and notice those things when we otherwise might not. So....

Be it here recorded that I resolve the following:

     1. That I shall continue my healthy exercise and weight loss until I reach my goal of a comfortable figure.

     2. That I shall, by January's end, have made my house a tidy, comfortable home, and keep it that way.

     3. That I shall improve my skills in my chosen field by a noticeable degree every month.

     4. That I shall update my blog at least weekly, on Monday mornings.

     5. That I shall, by year end 2013, be able to offer my services professionally.

Some of this may seem fairly trivial, and some very weighty, but I believe these five things will pose an acceptable challenge for me. I fear I may fail, but I also hope to succeed.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

The Break.

My wife moved out over the weekend. She’s not my wife anymore, but I don’t know what to call her. It doesn’t feel right calling her an ex yet, and I’m very much hoping that we will be able to be friends, eventually. Call me an optimist.

We’ve divided up most of the properties, and I think it’s worked out favourably for both of us. I just wish it hadn’t taken quite so long as it did. These last few months have been slow torture, and it’s hurt the memory of what we once had. That’s what’s upset me most. I knew that she would hate me for a while, and because I was too wounded to let it show, she was scared that I felt nothing at all about us ending things.

I’m aware that her parents hate me. That bothers me only because I know they can be smarter than that. I know that my mother is ashamed of what I’ve done. She simply doesn’t understand my motivations. It’s a little harder to hear my friends, some of them, say that this is harder on her than it is on me, since I have the house and get to move on with my life, and she has nothing. What they don’t understand is that she too, gets to move on with her life. The house, which I hope to keep, is a serious financial burden, and until I get my business going, it means I’m stuck in a job which I continue to detest.

She, at least, gets a clean break. I could almost envy her.

These last few months have been hard for another reason. I’ve been stuck in my basement, and not by myself. My “pet” and I have been sharing the space, which has endangered the health, sanity, and strength of our relationship. We’ll survive, but it has been hard. So it will be a mixed blessing to reclaim my bedroom. I will miss my wife dearly, but she’s not the woman I thought she was any more than I am the man she thought I was. We each deceived ourselves, and have no one to blame but ourselves.

The world may think, and she may believe that I hurt her, but she hurt herself, as I, in turn, hurt myself. I don’t blame her for my mistakes.

Moving forward.

My business plans have been stalled through this ordeal, which was partially a conscious decision on my part, and partially an unconscious slip into procrastination. I don’t even have a buffer left for my blog.

No matter, once I get myself settled in, I will have no excuse not to get down to business. I have several things which I need to practice, and several which I need to research. I want to do this properly, and that may mean finding myself someone under whom to apprentice for a while. I’m a decent amateur, but if I intend to do this professionally, I’m not yet good enough.

Ladies, you heard it here. A man is admitting that he is not good enough, and needs improvement. Perhaps some others will take my lead. Perhaps some of you will do the same.

At any rate, I do need practice. I need proper education. The problem is that such things don’t exist. Perhaps one day I will teach a class, but that’s far down the road. First I need to learn.
If anyone knows of an individual who may be open to teaching, I would be very grateful if they would drop me a line at: blog.nextstep@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading,

-Step.

I am a Dom.

For anyone who didn’t like my last post, you probably won’t like this one either. Be warned.

I am a sexual dominant. The male equivalent of a dominatrix. Dominator would be the correct term, except that that makes me sound like a comic book villain. It is my intention to do this professionally, and I am working toward that end as we speak. There is nothing illegal, unethical, nor, in my opinion, immoral about the practice (at least in Canada as of this date), and I intend to help keep it that way through open discussion on public media such as this blog (How’s that for a political statement?).

Why do it professionally? Why not just keep it private? I don’t just do what I do for my own kicks. I like to help people. As I said in my last post, kink isn’t necessarily about sex. Some people need to give up control, even if only temporarily, and they need a safe way to do it. I’m good at accepting that control in order to give people what they need, but not necessarily what they want. I can be a tyrant, and I am empathetic enough to know when I’m reaching a limit before I get there. I care, and I know what it’s like to have needs which you are afraid to admit to anyone, even to yourself.

For years I thought I was a bad person because of some of the things I thought about. I’ve had fantasies about all manner of things which I thought were evil. Years later, I am still dealing with the havoc which considering myself an evil person has wrought on my psyche, but I made important discoveries and distinctions about fantasy, reality, and consent (more on this later). My second wife was the first person to suggest that it might be okay for me to be myself, and to express myself. Now, on the eve of our parting, I am finally doing just that.

Thank you sweetie. I’m sorry it won’t work out for us, but I’m grateful for the lessons you’ve taught me.

Being a Dom is more about the other person than it is about you. Are you ready for a big secret? A Dom has to submit. A Dom has to give over their own desires and see to the needs of their sub, and if the sub has had enough, the Dom stops. A good Dom does, anyway.

The key to a Dom/sub relationship is trust. The sub has to trust the Dom, the Dom has to trust the sub, and they must trust themselves. If the Dom has no faith in his own abilities, nor confidence that he can give the sub what they need, then the partnership will be unstable, and the safety of both is at risk. "A wise man does not build his house on sand, but on a rock." The Dom must serve as that rock in order to be worthy of accepting the gift of submission.

This isn’t the last I’ll be writing on this subject, just a brief intro.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

I am a Kinkster.

As of the date of this writing, there has been some degree of publicity about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. There are many opinions of these books including that they are trash, pornography, poorly written, hot, etc. Much of the outcry against the books seems to have come from the fetish community itself.

People either seem to think that the portrayal of kink is a skewed one, or that these books have unjustly become big hits while many better titles remain unknown.

I, for my part, enjoyed the series. I may tell you more about what I enjoyed, and what I didn’t, in a later blog post, but for now I just want to use it as a starting point.

The one undeniable boon which the series has paid to the kink world is bringing it into the social consciousness. We’re out there, and now that people know we’re out there, and that 'normal' people can enjoy a look into our world, we have a chance to set the record straight.

Time for some technical terms.

A Kink is anything a person might use to spice up their sex lives. Something not specifically sexual which turns them on or can enhance their sexual experience. A few examples of kinks are Sensory Deprivation (ie. blindfolding), Bondage (having the hands or other parts bound or tied), and Voyarism/Exhibitionism (watching or being watched doing something, usually naughty).

A Fetish is something without which a person can not experience sexual arousal. Technically, having a fetish is unhealthy and may negatively impact every day life.

In common parlance, the terms are used interchangeably, and that can lead to some confusion. Kinks aren’t bad things, and as long as all parties are consenting adults, I don’t believe anyone should be able to say boo about whatever you want to do in the bedroom.

There is a formula which we in the community use. That formula is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If you can keep things Safe, Sane, and Consensual, then what’s the problem? Now, some people might argue about what is Safe, Sane, and Consensual, but that’s for the individual to decide. If extreme sports such as alpine skiing and skydiving are deemed safe enough to practice, then a little controlled danger in the bedroom is no one else’s business.

I’ve been writing up to this point under the assumption that what we’re talking about is sexual, but for some people that isn’t even true. Some people have other motives for taking up alternative lifestyles, and I may cover that at a later date. For now, consider that just because something isn’t your thing doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

Doubts

There’s nothing like a parent to shake your faith in what you’re trying to do with your life.

I recently told my mother and stepfather about what’s happening with me. I had thought it was the good version of that conversation. There was veiled hostility on my mother’s end while I fumbled the details out, and then I left. A few days later I got an email from her laden with misunderstandings, assumptions, and more hostility.

I expected this.

After I flubbed the initial conversation, I knew I could expect an email of this nature, and I was already planning a more well formed response, but that doesn’t change the fact that when I read her email it almost broke me.

The fact that when I told my father, his reaction was “Whatever makes you happy” didn’t help much. For one thing, I told him first, and for another, he’s always been more carefree. I was gratified that he wasn’t against, because he does have a political conservative bend, but he’s much more actually conservative, which should mean “Don’t bother them and they won’t bother you”.

What son doesn’t want the respect and acceptance of their parents? (actually, I know a couple...) Well, I want those things, and before telling either of them, I set that aside. After all, wanting the admiration of your parents is a childish motivation, and I’m finally trying to do something important with my life. I don’t expect I’ll amount to much, but I don’t think Alfred Kinsey knew what he’d accomplish when he set out.

No, I’m not comparing myself to Alfred Kinsey, I’m just giving an analogy.

There is the possibility that I will be able to start a change in this world. I intend to advocate against injustices which most people don’t even recognize. I intend to make the first steps toward family group equality. I know that a lot of people are going to hate me just because I exist. I just have to try to live in such a way to show those people that I’m doing nothing wrong, and if they act out against me, then they are.

I say act, not speak. Everyone is entitled to a well formed opinion, and I’m willing to discuss opinions with anyone who wants to, but if it comes to the point of bricks coming through my windows, I’m not going to be impressed.

There’s more to be said here for sure, I’m just working through my own mind here, and that’s enough for now.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

I am Polyamorous.

For those of you who don’t know, Polyamory is the practice of having more than one romantic or sexual relationship at a time. Open relationships are polyamorous. Joined Marriages are polyamorous. Cheating on your spouse is NOT polyamorous.

When most people think of a romantic entanglement, they think of a couple. They think of monogamy. They usually think that anything other than that is cheating, that anything other than that is wrong. There may be some religious arguments in favour of monogamy, there may even be a cultural argument. There is certainly a cultural bias.

I believe that rather than forcing everyone to fit into a single mould, we should let each person decide his or her own desires, and express them openly, honestly, and directly to the world around them. This doesn’t mean screaming your point of view for all to hear, it just means not beating around the bush about what you want from life so that other people don’t have the opportunity to build up false expectations about who and what you are.

On a first date, or a second, or even a third, is the right time to mention the fact that you are polyamorous. A year into a relationship during which you have been seeing other people behind your partner’s back is not.

Most people probably think that polyamory leads to higher risk of disease, pregnancy, rape, etc, etc. This is because most people believe polyamory means sleeping with whoever you want, as much as you want, but this isn’t the case. Bisexuals have been painted with the same brush, just as unfairly.

I have had a series of long term relationships. With one exception(which I admit was a big mistake), every person I’ve ever slept with meant the world to me. I’m still good friends with the majority of them. How many monogamous people can say that?

The key to a polyamorous relationship is Compersion. You can be poly without it, but for a truely healthy relationship, ANY relationship, you should try to cultivate it.

Compersion is the feeling of joy or contentment you get when someone you love if being made happy, whether it is by you or not. It is the opposite of Jealousy. The thought “I love her and I am happy that she is happy” is one of compersion. Now, this term was originally invented by the poly community, and is generally restricted to use in sexual situations, but I think that’s too narrow. I think compersion is found throughout life, just as any emotion. Let’s take a step back.

Say you’re a parent and your child is learning to ride a bicycle. You’re running along beside them, your hand on the back of the bike to keep it steady. Eventually, you let go and the child keeps going. They have learned to ride, and it is in part, thanks to you. What a wonderful feeling. Your child is growing up a little bit.

Now, let’s say that you’re not the one pushing the bike. Let’s say that you are sitting on your front porch watching as your husband or wife is running behind the bike. Is there any less of a feeling of satisfaction, joy, and contentment? If you said no, then you are at least casually aware of compersion. The same emotion can be felt when you help someone dress for a date, as you share in their excitement, or when a good friend aces a test to learn how to drive, or become a lawyer, or any number of small things. The same thing can be felt when you know that your lover is safely in the hands of their lover, and they are being loved. It’s difficult to understand until you’ve felt it, or if you let jealousy get in your way.

Jealousy is not only the enemy of compersion, but of any relationship whatsoever.

A jealous parent would be one who couldn’t stand watching their spouse and child having fun together without being a part of it. A lover can be jealous not only of other sexual partners, but that their partner might have their own friends at all. These scenarios are both frightening, and real. I’m not saying that anyone should be content to just sit back and watch others live, but having that vicarious sense of joy can enrich your life in ways which are impossible to describe until you’ve felt it.

I urge you, poly or not, to give compersion a try. Watch your wife sit and knit, or read, or do something which is of no interest to you, but gives her great joy. Watch your husband work on that rusty old truck, or practice his swing. For once, see the joy that your friend takes from that show which you hate, and be happy for them.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

I am a Furry

Now, some of you probably read that and said “What the hell is a furry?”, and some others of you probably went “Oh god, one of THOSE”.

I am writing to address both of these groups. If you’re not in one of these groups, read along anyway, this shit is gold (and educational to boot!).

Furries have been given a bad rep by just about every other outcast community out there. Even the people that other nerds and geeks look down on, look down on furries. I’ve told people that I LARP, and they give me the hairy eyeball, but even a LARPer can belittle and trash talk a Furry (Nerd hierarchies are just as complex and volatile as any other group). The internet is no help. If you go type Furry into a search engine, you’ll most likely come up with porn or weirdos in costumes doing ridiculous things.

So, What is a furry? A furry is a person who feels an affinity for a particular animal, and expresses that as part of their personality. That’s it. That’s the whole of what makes you a furry. Sure there’s lots of other stuff that might go along with it, but if you want to know what makes someone a furry, check out the bold sentence above.

In one way, this affinity is nothing new. Animal totemism has been around as long as people have lived. Even without the spiritual or ritual aspects, people have taken animal names as titles in “advanced” cultures. Think about Richard the Lion Heart, or in fiction, Zorro (the Fox). These people (Or the people who dubbed them such) felt that an animal title said something about themselves, and it certainly added to their mystique.

Now to modern day furries. The people who make up the furry community are mostly romantic, mercurial individuals who are in touch with something ineffable within themselves. Sound familiar? That’s right, they’re artists! Out of the fifty or so furries I know, about thirty five of them are artists, and more non furry artists hang with the furry crowd because of its warmth and acceptance.

“But what about the costumes?”
Sure, okay. Let’s get there. A lot of furries dress up in costume, or assume their animal guise, as it were. Some even go so far as to saying that when they are in their “Fur Suit” they are in their real skin. Is that so different from the old adage “The clothes make the man”? I know people (myself included) who don’t feel confident unless they’re well dressed.

“Yeah but they have sex in those costumes!”
If you seriously think this, I’m going to roll my eyes at you. How many people do you think have sex in tuxes and ballgowns, or uniforms, or even simple lingerie? Yes, some people have sex in fur suits, and so what? It’s not the reason most people dress up, nor is it any of anyone’s business except the people involved.

“Aren’t all furries gay?”
Furries tend to be friendly, even cuddly. They tend to include anyone who wants to be included, and they tend not to judge other people. This inclusivity is probably the reason that so much of the furry community is sexually open or homosexual. They aren’t judged for it like in the rest of the world. But no, not all furries are gay, and not all are even bisexual. I know many straight furries and a few asexual furries as well.

Furries include the straight, the gay, the socially awkward, the socially ept, the fat, the skinny, and just about anyone else who wants to come hang out, so long as they, too, can get along.

Furries are, by and large, better at keeping the golden rule than most Christians I know.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

I am a Writer.

I said in an earlier post that I have trouble reading. It’s probably due to the fact that I’ve got A.D.D. I just can’t focus on a stream of written words. My eyes jerk from word to word and I don’t read nearly fast enough for my attention span. I like audiobooks. I can listen to an audiobook while I’m at work, or walking, or playing a videogame. The problem with that is that one of the best ways to get faster at reading is by doing it, so it’s a constant struggle against myself to get through a written work.

This problem, for whatever reason, doesn’t carry over to writing. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m editing as I go, constantly keeping track of my spelling and grammar as well as the actual content and how to best display it on the page. Layout is far more important than most people think. I have a friend who is fond of saying “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” If this is true anywhere, it’s true in writing.

My writing (especially my fiction) suffers from my lack of reading actual books. There are things which you learn from seeing it done and mimicking. Because I don’t see the way other people write as often as I otherwise would, I have no idea if I’m doing something wrong, or at the very least, unorthodox. I do, however, have certain personal preferences. I like to keep my paragraphs short, not only because I jump from topic to topic, but also because they’re easier to read that way. Big blocks of text are hard to get through.

I generally write to music. To be honest, I live my whole life to music, and writing is one of the things I do. I am selective about the music I listen to while writing though, and I make sure it fits the tone of what I’m writing. On a very rare occasion I will even turn the music off if a scene calls for silence.

I used to write everything on paper first, then copy it into the computer. While I still do this on occasion, I’ve gotten into the habit of writing almost entirely on the computer. When I don’t have access to a computer, I’ll scribble notes, sentences, even whole story segments on whatever scrap of paper I have at hand, but the pressure of the modern age has made me realize that writing on a computer is just far more convenient, though sometimes I do miss the feel of a notebook in my hand.

I especially love writing fiction with another person, taking turns creating a world and characters together. I’m great with characters. I can come up with characters spontaneously who are realistic, flawed, individuals. Where I have trouble is in getting a story to where it’s going. I seem either to rush through big events quickly, because I know what the main elements are and how the characters would react to them, or I dither about wasting time until one such event occurs. Living life isn’t something I write very well. "She gets up, she showers, she goes to work, she goes to the library, she comes home". I mostly end up inside my character’s minds during these times, but there’s still something missing.

My main problem is not wanting to give anything away. Because I write primarily with and for another person, I like to keep things back, even when I have the secrets and mysteries figured out, I like to make them hunt for clues, which doesn’t work so well if you’re writing for a reader, who can’t affect the flow of events, rather than for a collaborator, who can.

My stuff is good, but not great, and it tends to be rough. I have noticed that editing (as with anything else) is becoming easier for me with practice. Since I’ve started this blog, I’ve done edits on every piece of writing I’ve done, and the quality is improving already. Maybe I’ll post some fiction eventually, but for now I’ll keep this Blog in the Non Fic arena.

If anyone out there has advice on how to set up an outline, or any other advice really, I’d be glad to hear it. I’ve heard advice from some of the sci-fi greats, and also the masters of podcasting, and if I’ve learned anything it’s that all advice about writing should be taken with a bucket of salt. Everyone’s process is different, and no one has “the one way that works”.

By the way, if you are a writer, and like to listen to good advice, I highly suggest checking out Mur Lafferty, The Dead Robots Society, and all the goodies which surround the podcasting universe.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

I am a Nerd

I am possibly from the last generation who can say “I liked Sci Fi before it was cool”. Watching (or admitting to watching) Star Trek TNG was still not cool on the playground, and if you read books by Isaac Asimov, J.R.R.Tolkien, or Robert Heinlein, you were automatically put in the category of weird, at least at my small town elementary and highschool. Now, however, with new sci fi and urban fantasy shows rivalling cop shows for air time, along with the proliferation of computers and computer use, calling yourself a nerd is A-ok, even trendy.

This information is probably nothing new.

The term Nerd (as well as the related words geek and fan), has changed a great deal over the years as society in general has changed. Anyone might call themselves a nerd, or nerdy, but the true nerds, the people who fight over nerd cred, and debate for hours on whatever topic, are still the same at the core.

We are enthusiastic, sometimes obsessive, and to varying degrees, socially awkward. We have intellectual, even esoteric pursuits, and though many of us are introverted, we generally remain social creatures, despite our social awkwardness.

NERD vs. GEEK

Image care of XKCD

While these two words may have, at one point, meant different things, the difference is now largely lyrical. You can be a Gamer Geek, or a Computer Nerd, or a Sci-Fi Fan, because it sounds better than the alternative.

In the colloquial of the internet, you can also be a “fag”. You might call an artist a Drawfag, or a foodie a Foodfag. This may seem offensive from the outside, but I assure you that in the circles such language is used, it’s not really. Online discussions are susceptible to trolling, and building a thick skin for such things is helpful as long as you can remember the difference between that and polite conversation. 

NERD CRED

In today’s world, just about everyone has heard of Star Trek, so liking Star Trek is no longer an indicator of nerdiness. The same is true of video games, and will soon be true of Doctor Who, etc. Some nerds, as most people do, cling with great pride to what sets them apart as a mark of distinction. As the rest of the world becomes aware of what has been their sovereign territory up to this point, some nerds get testy.

Time was, Star Trek fans were some of the friendliest, most accepting people you could meet. Times have changed however, and as the world keeps extending an interest into the obscure, jealousy and self importance raise their ugly heads. Any clique or sect will be friendly and accepting of others who share their interests until some unknown critical mass is reached, at which point the “true” or “real” members will shun the “posers”. I dread the day this happens to Fur culture.

SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS

Not all geeks are equal in this respect. Some of us relate quite well to the world around us, while others have great difficulty. I’m not having a nature vs. nurture discussion here, but I can say that this isn’t necessarily just a case of brain chemistry.

One of the things which makes it hard for geeks to relate to the uninitiated is their level of interest in their particular pursuits. Going on for hours about classes and call signs of different star ships might be as fascinating to one as the stats and odds on a team to win the superbowl might be to another, but try getting these two to have a conversation together, much less, anyone not so taken to such obsessions. Many, perhaps most nerds have grown up in a situation where they were the only person taken to a particular obsession, or perhaps part of a very small group. They probably had few or no friends as children, and when they finally met people who shared an interest in a particular thing, it only served cause them to cling tighter to whatever it was which helped them relate to another person. At least, this is how it was with me.

ME? A NERD?

My love of science fiction began with Star Trek, and though I am now old enough to recognize its flaws, TNG was, and remains, a fun, nostalgic element of my youth. This love was cemented by my father reading me “The Caves Of Steel” by Isaac Asimov. I went on to read the rest of the series myself, even though reading a book is, to me, almost painful (more on this later).

Sci Fi, of course, is not the only thing which makes me a nerd. I love numbers and mathematics, even beyond my aptitude for actually doing it. I love physics and the world around me, which (for some strange reason) are traits to be frowned upon by the unthinking masses. I love video games, comic books, cosplay, fantasy books and art, mythology, history, venn diagrams, the list goes on.

My wide range of interests has made it difficult for me to choose a path in life, and so I’ve dithered for years between things I enjoy and things I’m capable of... but at last, I’m making my place.

I’ve been a nerd all my life, and I don’t feel the need to classify myself as a specific kind. I’m not a “Star Trek fan” or a “comic book geek”, I’m just a nerd, and anything different and interesting is worth a try in my book. Of course, that goes for all sorts of things which are not nerdy as well.

Open your eyes, open your mind, and try new things. Everyone can benefit from that advice.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

I am a Christian

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those angry people who hold up signs depicting aborted fetuses or with “God Hates Fags” scrawled across it. Those people, Christian though they may be, are clearly doing it wrong. (Matthew 5:43-48) A true Christian should seek to make brothers (and sisters) of those with whom they disagree, or else live in such a way to show how Christ living in you makes the world a better place. I personally don’t think anyone holding up a sign of any sort in this day and age makes the world a better place, only a more distracted one. Nevermind the thousands of very misguided people who do hold up signs which either insult or alienate the very people they seek to help. Good god, people, will you give it a rest?

Nor am I one of those people who are too “kind” to tell a person what they really think. Letting someone go out of the house dressed like Wil Wheaton from the mid 80’s for fear of hurting their feelings isn’t kind, neither is letting a friend who’s being uncharitable continue just because they’re mad, even if they are rightly so. We do not have a right to screw someone just because they screwed us. We do not have the right to let someone continue in ignorance of their failings just because it might cause a little bit of pain or anxiety to point them out. We have to speak up and say “Look, I love you, and you’re being foolish.”

Notice I didn’t say “but”. I said “and”. Just because someone’s being a fool doesn’t mean we can’t still love them and wish them well.

Anyway, if anyone’s out there reading this, you can be secure that I won’t be discriminating against you based on some misguided religious grounds. Everything I know about christianity tells me that God gave us intelligence to be used for the betterment of the world. Notice I didn’t say the furthering of our personal goals, or our cause, or our religion the way we see it. I believe we’re here to make the world a better place, to save our brothers and sisters from damnation, and to become as close to perfect (humble, charitable, and gracious, not proud, judgemental, or vindictive) as possible.

I realise that I haven’t said anything about Jesus here, nor about why I believe Christianity is true. I have no intention of preaching religion to anyone at the moment, but I did have to write about it as it’s a pretty big part of my life. I’m sure there will be more posts on the topic of God, church, and religion, but it’s not going to be my main focus here.

If you want to know more about Christianity, I suggest you start with Lee Strobel and C.S. Lewis, then maybe dig into the Bible. Oh and by the way, neither of those authors are religious authorities, nor are they perfect beings, so feel free to take what they’ve written with a grain of salt.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

An Introduction

So it finally happened.

My wife and I are done, seems like as good a time as any to start a blog.

I've held on to online anonymity for far too long. I loved being anonymous, read, nobody. I'm ready to take a stand and be a presence. Do I really believe anyone but a couple of close friends will read this blog, or that my opinions will mean anything to anybody I'm not in the room with? No, but on the off chance someone wants to hear what I have to say, I'm putting it out there.
This will be a place for random thoughts, venting about life, and probably other things which I've not yet decided on. Sounds just like any other blog, right? So much for doing away with my online anonymity. I'll try to keep it interesting, which I should be able to manage since I'm not holding much back. Here's where I jump right in with both feet.

I am a man from London Ontario. I am a Christian. I am a Nerd. I am a Furry. I am an amature Writer of fiction and non fiction. I am a Kinkster. I am a Dom. I am, and shall remain, polyamorous, which is part of why my wife and I are separating. I am so many other things, but that can be covered in other blog posts. For now, I hope I've whet someone's appetite, and perhaps I'll get a reader.

This is going to be a place of philosophy, of fairness, of compassion and trial. I will point out things I don’t like, and things which I think are wrong, but not from a place of cruelty. Rather, in the hope that with an insight into WHY something is wrong, it can be made better. I hope to update once a week at least, so we'll see how it goes.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

P.S. I may throw in the occasional curse or profanity, 'cause, fuck it.