End of the Month Update: February

It's that time again. February has really flown by, as it usually does. I like February, generally. I like it even better when it starts on a Sunday. Having a calendar which is exactly four weeks long appeals to my sense of order. I'll have to remember to call back to this post in 2015.

Anyway, time for the update. I'm still hovering around 300 lbs, but I think I'm gaining muscle, so I'm alright with that for now. My shirts are all too big in the neck and chest. I won't complain about that yet, but it is slightly irritating. I guess I'll just have to get some clients so I can afford to update my wardrobe.

My house has fallen back, somewhat, into a state of chaos. It's difficult to keep it clean and tidy with four people living here, but that's more an excuse than anything else. The real problem is me. I need to buckle down and plow through the things which I've been avoiding. We'll leave that one for now.

On to my skills. I have been doing a good amount of research (a cop out), and just last night I went out by myself to work on my communication skills. I had intended to speak to strangers, hold their attention, and potentially flirt. For those of you paying attention, you may have noticed a flaw in my clever plan. There is absolutely nothing to do in London on a Sunday night. This city is dead. I ended up walking around down town in my suit and having a quick pint in one or another of the English style pubs. It was fun, but relatively unhelpful. I did get some writing done, and that should help with the future of my next goal.

The blog has been kept up to date I'm even starting to get a few steady readers (yaay). If this continues, I may even  get a few comments sooner or later! (hint hint.) Now that I have a steady posting schedule, it's time to work on content quality. To be completely honest, my last four have been more or less slapped together. I'm going to try to do better than that and leave ample time for editing and completeness.

My business plans are progressing on schedule. I think it's time to look into business cards, and possibly a new suit. We'll see what next month brings.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

P.S. If anyone out there has, like, a million dollars that they're not using, you could just toss that my way. I'd be okay with that. Also, I'd be willing to offer that person free weekly sessions for life. Just saying.

L.A.R.P.

Warning: This post is about LARP. If you aren’t interested in gaming, theatre, or fantasy, feel free to pass this one by, though if that is the case, I think you ought to lighten up. =)

LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing, and is distinguished from tabletop roleplaying, such as Dungeons and Dragons. With tabletop, you are sitting around a table talking about what your characters are doing, whereas with Larp, you actually do what your character would be doing. You dress up in costume, you put on a character, and you act. Think of it like improvisational theatre, except generally the audience consists of the players themselves.

So, why do it if there’s no one watching? Because some of us like to pretend. Some of us like to throw ourselves into a character and be James Bond, or King Arthur, or a Homeless Drifter for the night, and then return safely to our real lives once we’re finished.

There are many systems in place for adding rules for combat in which no one is actually hurt, and for affecting the world around you without having to inconvenience anyone who is not part of the game. The system with which I am most familiar is Vampire: The Masquerade, which as you can probably guess from the title, is about vampires.

This is one game in what makes up the “World of Darkness” (now known as the old world or “classic” world of darkness, as they’ve released a newer system). The world of darkness is interesting in that, in theory, all of the different games (Vampire: The Masquerade, Werewolf: The Apocalypse, Mage: The Ascension, etc.) can work together to create this “world of darkness”, inhabited by mages, werewolves, mummies, wraithes, vampires, and even regular old human beings, some of whom have taken it upon themselves to hunt the things that go bump in the night.

In reality, the different systems don’t fit together as nicely as one would think (a flaw which you find in most systems which are released in a modular fashion), and so it’s usually better to stick to one type of critter. In case of the Masquerade that’s vampires.

Unfortunately, the majority of players who seem to be drawn to this particular game are those self involved, power hungry malcontents who are not the type of people you would want for a social game.These are people with the mentality of “My character could beat up your character” or “My character thinks she’s too good to talk to you”. Filling a room with such people, who are only really there to groom their egos, does not make for a very interesting game, as interactions end up limited to only those between preexisting, out of game cliques.There is an aspect of these games which is meant to be co-operative. It is difficult to foster that specific brand of camaraderie in a group dominated by these personality types. Because of this pattern, over the years I’ve encountered disappointment after disappointment from a system which, in general, would be fun to play if not for the unfortunate leanings of the typical player. The last time a game I was a part of imploded due to player drama, I said "Never again!". I decided I was done with it. Then, a few months later, the following conversation took place.

“So ***** is running an old world game” says my friend.
“Oh yeah?” I said with a lack of real interest or enthusiasm.
“Yeah, it’s a troupe game”
“Oh?” I’d perked up at this point, for reasons I won’t explain here.
“Yeah, and it’s invitation only”

This idea caught my attention. I am generally someone who promotes the concept of inclusivity, but in the instance of these games, it was only exacerbating the problem. By allowing anyone to play, you were opening the doors to Drama. By making the game invitation only, it allows the Storytellers (the people who direct the overall plot of the game and settle character or player disputes) to shape their character base, and hopefully cull any of the painful drama which so often accompanies this type of game.

I met with *****, and he explained all the safeguards which he’s put in place against drama and power gaming, and I agreed to join with the hope I would finally get the LARP experience I’m looking for. I’ve yet to attend a game, but I’ve decided to give it three months (one session a month), and see how it goes. If I find the same old drama, so be it, I’ll just walk away.

Either way I’ll probably revisit this topic in another post, so in the meantime wish me luck.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

Hearts and Flowers

Saint Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and orders for chocolates and flowers (usually roses) will be higher on that day than on any other during the year except one (Mother’s Day). Very little is known about the real St. Valentine. In fact there were more than one Saints who carried that name, but the one who died on February the 14th had something to do with “courtly love”.

I didn’t really do my research on this guy, this is just what I’ve picked up in passing and from Catholic friends.

Saint Valentine’s Day is no longer recognized by the Roman Catholic Church, but try telling that to the rest of the world! The corporate machine which drives the sales of cards, flowers, chocolates, clovers and blue moons, would be very put out if they were suddenly without this scapegoat.

Now someone out there (probably a woman) is going to tell me that I don’t understand because I’m a man, and men don’t care about such things (insinuating that we should). I have this rebuttal.

I’ve bought flowers for every woman with whom I’ve had a long term relationship, and they’ve given me that satisfying girly blush and giggle, but if there’s been a note along with the flowers, a note telling them that I love and cherish them, that they brighten my day, that they make me want to make poetry and sing and sweep them off their feet, that’s when I see real emotion.

It’s not the flowers or the chocolates that makes the difference. It’s the thought. The thought really does count as much as the follow through. They are equal participants. Now, what I see happening with things like anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentines day, is that they remove thought from the equation. These dates tell a body “By golly! You need to go get your sweetheart flowers to show that you care!” and because you do care, and you don’t want your sweetheart to be upset, you go and buy the flowers, but there was no thoughtfulness, only follow through.

I’m not saying that having a day or three on the calendar to remind you to pay attention to your significant other is a bad thing, what I’m saying is Don’t Wait!

Today is February the 11th, and for me and my pet, this is Hearts and Flowers day. We didn’t choose a special day to substitute for Valentine’s, we just chose a random day off because there was a sappy movie coming out. We’re taking the day to spend together, the rest of the world be damned. We’re going to do all that sappy romantic stuff that people usually reserve for Valentine’s. Why wait until a special occasion when you can make one, and how is it special if everyone is doing the same thing?

Here’s a tip. Some random day when you’re at work and you think of your sweetie and it makes you smile, make a point of stopping on the way home and buying flowers, or better yet, a box of their favourite tea, or a book in a series they love. Don’t wait for a birthday, a graduation, Valentine’s day, or Christmas to show the people that matter to you that you love them. Show that you care when you feel it, when you are inspired. Make a habit of it, and that inspiration will come so much more easily the next time, and you’ll both be happier!

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

Lifestyle Domination

For those of you who are offended by, or simply can’t handle alternative sexuality, be aware that this post deals with the D/s lifestyle. You have been warned.

As a lifestyle Dom, I live the life 24/7 instead of only for kicks in the bedroom. I have a live in submissive who serves me. This is what we both want, and I’m sure that if anyone were to tell her that I was taking advantage of her she would scoff at them. Do we keep things Safe, Sane and Consensual? The answer to that question is not exactly. Though SSC is the standard by which the kink community is run, there is something to be said for Consensual Nonconsent.

As hard as it may be to believe this, some people want to be “taken advantage of”. They want to do things which give them no pleasure, or even endure hardships and suffering for the sake of another person. Others know that they need help to achieve their full potential. These others choose to serve a Master who can help guide them in the direction they want to go, but that sort of guidance necessitates a penalty for failure. In this case that means punishment. Either way, it’s not a game or just a fun time to these people, but a way of life.

In a way, Consensual Nonconsent is still SSC, as the sub always has a way out. My “Kitten”, my “Pet”, enjoys being owned. She doesn’t consider herself her own person, but my property. To that end, she endures things which give her no pleasure and even things which scare her simply because I told her to do it. If what I was doing was hurting her instead of helping, she would let me know when we discussed her training, and if I didn’t have her best interests at heart, she would leave.

It’s not easy to be a lifestyle Dom. When someone gives themselves to you to serve, that puts the responsibility of nurturing them directly into your hands. There’s a risk of being too soft, of letting them get away with something for which they ought to be punished or otherwise corrected. Believe it or not, that is worse than the alternative of being too harsh. Apologizing for being too strict is humble and magnanimous, but if you’re too soft on a regular basis, the sub won’t be able to get what they need, which in this case is discipline.

Being a lifestyle Dom is in many ways like being a parent. You take responsibility for another human being. You mould and shape them into something stronger than they were. You discipline them when they have done something wrong, and above all, you love them. Their life becomes more important than your own, and doing what’s best for them ought to be at the centre of your universe. When a sub is on their knees, saying “All this I do for you, my Master”, those words ought to be an echo of what the Dom really holds in their heart. “All this I do for you, my pet”.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.