Monday 4 February 2013

Lifestyle Domination


For those of you who are offended by, or simply can’t handle alternative sexuality, be aware that this post deals with the D/s lifestyle. You have been warned.

As a lifestyle Dom, I live the life 24/7 instead of only for kicks in the bedroom. I have a live in submissive who serves me. This is what we both want, and I’m sure that if anyone were to tell her that I was taking advantage of her she would scoff at them. Do we keep things Safe, Sane and Consensual? The answer to that question is not exactly. Though SSC is the standard by which the kink community is run, there is something to be said for Consensual Nonconsent.

As hard as it may be to believe this, some people want to be “taken advantage of”. They want to do things which give them no pleasure, or even endure hardships and suffering for the sake of another person. Others know that they need help to achieve their full potential. These others choose to serve a Master who can help guide them in the direction they want to go, but that sort of guidance necessitates a penalty for failure. In this case that means punishment. Either way, it’s not a game or just a fun time to these people, but a way of life.

In a way, Consensual Nonconsent is still SSC, as the sub always has a way out. My “Kitten”, my “Pet”, enjoys being owned. She doesn’t consider herself her own person, but my property. To that end, she endures things which give her no pleasure and even things which scare her simply because I told her to do it. If what I was doing was hurting her instead of helping, she would let me know when we discussed her training, and if I didn’t have her best interests at heart, she would leave.

It’s not easy to be a lifestyle Dom. When someone gives themselves to you to serve, that puts the responsibility of nurturing them directly into your hands. There’s a risk of being too soft, of letting them get away with something for which they ought to be punished or otherwise corrected. Believe it or not, that is worse than the alternative of being too harsh. Apologizing for being too strict is humble and magnanimous, but if you’re too soft on a regular basis, the sub won’t be able to get what they need, which in this case is discipline.

Being a lifestyle Dom is in many ways like being a parent. You take responsibility for another human being. You mould and shape them into something stronger than they were. You discipline them when they have done something wrong, and above all, you love them. Their life becomes more important than your own, and doing what’s best for them ought to be at the centre of your universe. When a sub is on their knees, saying “All this I do for you, my Master”, those words ought to be an echo of what the Dom really holds in their heart. “All this I do for you, my pet”.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

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