"Help"

Time and again, in slightly dated media, you hear someone say “you need help, like, seriously” or something to that effect. This is usually said in the context of an insult to imply that the person in question is crazy. Thankfully, I haven’t seen this in more recent media, though I haven’t really been looking either.

The stigma surrounding mental illness and the brain is slowly changing, but most people still seem to take the line that seeing someone for mental or emotional problems means that you're crazy. Forgetting that crazy isn't a technical term, the idea of applying it to anyone in a serious context is dangerous. For one thing, if they really are unbalanced, pointing it out is a foolish thing to do, and if they are just a little bit off kilter, then we as fellow human beings ought to be helping them find stable footing, not sending them spinning out.

I think everyone knows that “help” means psychotherapy. Seeing a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, or other form of therapist is a healthy step in personal problem solving. I recommend that anyone who is having trouble in their personal lives consider seeing a therapist of some description. They are there to help. Personally, I find that Psychologists go about things in a much more constructive manner. Psychiatrists are great for dealing with the chemical side of things, but in my opinion, looking at behaviour, living conditions, and attitude is a much better place to start, and that’s what a Psychologist will do.

In the vein of “practice what you preach”, I’ll mention that I’ve been to a Psychologist at times in my life. As a child I had anger issues, and the anger management training helped me to attain control over not only my emotions, but my A.D.D. as well. When my wife and I were having trouble, we went to a marriage counsellor. Ultimately,in our case, the best thing was for us to go our separate ways, but seeing the counsellor allowed us to recognize that, and gave us the push we needed to live our own lives. After we split, I still needed some help dealing with my fears and anxieties, so I continued to see him for a bit. It helped a great deal.

The first step in solving any problem is admitting that it exists. Everyone, at some point, will go through something which they don’t know how to deal with. Admitting we have a problem is hard enough. Admitting that we can’t work through it on our own is even worse.

Most of us have no problem with admitting that we’re only human. We may be able to admit that we’re not strong enough to pull a bus, or light enough to float on air. It’s quite different when we find ourselves failing at things at which we see other people all around us succeeding. At this point, some of us think “It would be better to try and fail on my own, rather than ask for help”, and thus the cycle begins.

Some of you may be feeling quite uncomfortable by this point. It’s an uncomfortable subject, but an important one. We need to be able to discuss anxiety, depression, and the like just as we would a broken leg or arthritis.

Arthritis may be a lifelong condition which will mean changes to your way of living, but a broken leg can be set right and healed, almost better than new. Depression and anxiety, likewise, may be chronic, but they may also be caused by something immediate, and they may be able to be worked through with only two or three visits to the right Psychologist. You can think of a Psychologist as a Nutritionist for the brain. In the same way that a Nutritionist can see eating habits and suggest minor alterations to promote better bodily health, a Psychologist can find out what triggers a cycle of depression or anxiety and teach you ways of avoiding or defeating it. What a Psychologist is really there to do is to give you the tools you need to solve your problems, and the guidance to use those tools effectively.

I should mention that Psychologists are people too, with opinions, habits, and flaws, unique to each one. Remember, they’re working for you. They’re there to help you. That’s what you pay them for, so treat it like a job interview. Find the right fit for you, your problems, your personality, your lifestyle. I didn’t like the first Psychologist that I went to see. We didn’t get along and, to be honest, he seemed shocked when I mentioned BDSM. That wasn’t helpful, so I tried another and got much better results. If you feel like you’re being judged, go see someone else. It’s not their place to judge you, only to teach you what they know, to give you the tools you need to unravel your own knots.

Fear of being judged is a big part of the reason people avoid talking about their problems. There’s also the problem that many people who know they should talk to someone find themselves unable to do so. Anxiety and depression are like a big dark pit, and once they’ve slipped into it, finding the will to climb out is hard. The difficulty is that there’s no telling how deep the pit is, and the longer they wait to try to climb out, the harder it can get. It may only be a foot deep, or it may be bottomless.

So, next time you find a person on the edge of a precipice, don’t give them a shove to send them over the edge. Instead, throw them a rope. Let them know that it’s okay, that everyone goes through things they can’t handle by themselves, and that there are these places, with nice comfy couches, that they can go to find assistance. Maybe they’ll return the favour some day.

Thanks for reading,


-Step.

P.S. Listen to The Beatles - Help! after reading this. It'll brighten or darken your day accordingly. Oh, and you're welcome for getting it stuck in your head. =)