Submission and Self Improvement

I want to take a few moments this morning to explain something about BDSM which may not be clear from the way it’s been portrayed by the media, the internet, or even by me up to this point.

I’ve mentioned that Domination and Submission isn’t necessarily all about sex, and most people who aren’t intimately familiar with the practices probably didn’t believe me. After all, isn’t giving a spanking arousing? Isn’t blindfolding and binding your lover at the wrists a possible precursor to sex? The problem with those statements is their context. Of course blindfolding your lover is sexy. That’s the point, but it doesn’t follow that a prisoner who is being blindfolded feels the same way, nor does a child being put over a parent’s knee.

This post is going to be dedicated to those individuals who, though not themselves Masochists, would still come to a Dominant to be bound and spanked. There are reasons a person might do this aside from sexual gratification. Some people do it to free themselves from guilt for something for which they cannot forgive themselves. I have known people who, forgiven by those they have wronged, could not forgive themselves. That sort of guilt can fester and cause serious harm to a life. It’s true that there are other ways to help a person to overcome guilt and forgive themselves, but these can be costly and time consuming. The time that it takes to forgive yourself is not something that everyone can afford, nor can everyone accomplish this even with help from a Psychologist or Priest. Sometimes the best way to overcome guilt is to confess your actions and then be punished. The world says to these people “You’ve got nothing to feel guilty about”, and they might hear “There must be something wrong with you for feeling that way”. Coming to a professional to be punished for their wrongdoing can be that crucial step in moving on. They may have been punishing themselves for years over something as simple as the loss of a possession, the dissolution of a relationship, or even just a little white lie. Being recognized as guilty and punished by an outside authority, accepting their guilt and finding absolution through corporal mortification can be just the thing to free them from soul crushing remorse.

Another type of person may view a professional Dominant as something like a Personal Trainer. We can help people to stay on track in ways that ordinary Coaches can’t. By giving the Dominant the ability to inflict pain, there is something tangible to be gained (or rather, avoided) by staying on the wagon. Substance abuse, including alcoholism and tobacco consumption, and in some cases overeating, can be treated by weekly conversations followed by harsh and swift discipline.

Why would a person not just lie to avoid the spanking? A person might, but that would be a pretty silly waste of money. Also, it’s part of the Dominant’s job to be able to read people and tell how they are feeling. A person who lies to avoid punishment is usually nervous, and a good Dom will be able to pick up on this. Lieing to a Dom in a good way to get added punishments, which is usually best to be avoided.

Business relationships such as I’ve just described should ALWAYS be worked out in detail ahead of time and put in writing. A client who comes to a Dom for a specific purpose like that is not considered a submissive, and all parameters of the relationship must be understood before training or punishment can begin. Remember that a Dom has only as much power as the client gives them. A client, just as a submissive, cannot be forced to accept punishment, but if they don’t, then the Dominant may very well end the business relationship and stop wasting their valuable time on someone who doesn’t wish to accept their services.

A caning, even to most Masochists, is not a pleasant thing to undergo. We’re not talking about light teasing impacts here, but something you might imagine in a headmaster’s study. These paddlings or canings can be done over clothing or on the bare, and may leave marks which last for days to weeks. Leading up to this type of spanking there is fear, during the process there is pain in no small degree, and afterward there is discomfort, but there is also a great sense of relief. Done properly, a good hard spanking can absolve a person of past failures, and the following encouragement can truly help the client wish to succeed in future. Not only so that next week or next month the client can avoid the unpleasant experience, but also that he or she may succeed in reaching their own goals. After all, that is the primary reason these clients had sought out the Dom.

If you’re interested in more information on anything I’ve written, please don’t hesitate to email me at blog.nextstep@gmail.com, and if you have anything to say please comment!

Thanks for reading,


-Step.